This is a special dedication to all retired husbands. When you have all the time in the world your darling bozz at home would insist you tag along to go shopping with her. Received this email hot from the oven from a buddy, Dale Borrott and thought we all, young and retired should laugh 兔tù~gether. Would sincerely thank the original unknown author or Mr Harris himself for his witty thoughts who probably could have tried the pranks and got banned. You may share the stunts you might wanna try or have tried while you are bored shopping with your wife in your comments and how you get off the hook. At this juncture Bananaz just thought of somebody who is none other than our Uncle Lee who caused a havoc when he released snakes and crabs in cinema when he was a kid, surely he must have lots of clever tricks up his sleeve. Here you go sit on tightly to your chair.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris ,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 02: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 07: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 04: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 04: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 03: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 06: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.