இ Don't Mess With Retired Husband

This is a special dedication to all retired husbands. When you have all the time in the world your darling bozz at home would insist you tag along to go shopping with her. Received this email hot from the oven from a buddy, Dale Borrott and thought we all, young and retired should laugh 兔tù~gether. Would sincerely thank the original unknown author or Mr Harris himself for his witty thoughts who probably could have tried the pranks and got banned. You may share the stunts you might wanna try or have tried while you are bored shopping with your wife in your comments and how you get off the hook. At this juncture Bananaz just thought of somebody who is none other than our Uncle Lee who caused a havoc when he released snakes and crabs in cinema when he was a kid, surely he must have lots of clever tricks up his sleeve. Here you go sit on tightly to your chair.

"Retired Husband"
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 02: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 07: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 04: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 04: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 03: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 06: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Read more »

இ Life Begins at 60

A buddy sent a thought-provoking birthday wish regarding 'Life begins at 60' which Bananaz wish to share some points here. NOT that I consider anyone of you old. What were you like 20 years ago? What will you be like 20 years from now? Have you ever ponder on your eating and drinking habits? In early 20's we were eating roti canai, burgers and pizzas and as usual so kiasu by proving our virility downing beer faster than any of our buddies. At 40 our fast food speed slowed down, drinking Jack Daniel's on a gradual switch over to Chardonnay. At 60 we may be eating bran flakes and drinking prune juice, occasionally sipping Chinese tea to decrease abdominal fat. Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinion. But it need not be so, if only we understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously.

 "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."  ~ Chili Davis

We have 3 Stupid stages of life.....
Teen Age: Have Time + Energy …but No Money;
Working Age: Have Money + Energy …but No Time;
Old Age: Have Time + Money …but no Energy.

Money is important: Money is essential for meeting the basic necessities of life, keeping good health and earning family respect and security. Don't spend beyond your means even for your children. You have lived for them all through and it is time you enjoyed a harmonious life with your spouse. If your children are grateful and they take care of you, you are blessed and take it as a bonus. But never take it for granted. Plan now for a healthy and wealthy retirement before its too late.

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."  ~ Bob Hope

一寸光陰一寸金，寸金難買寸光陰 *yī cùn guāng yīn yī cùn jīn, cùn jīn nán mǎi cùn guāng yīn*. literally means An inch of time an inch of gold, an inch of gold can't buy an inch of time (idiom). Time is precious and must be treasured. It is almost like holding a horse's reins. When they are in your hands, you can control them. Imagine that everyday you are born again. Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is ready cash — use it profitably.

"You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again."  ~ Bonnie Prudden.

Health is wealth: If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health check-up and take the prescribed medicines regularly. Do take up health insurance cover (sorry Bananaz not selling any insurance here). When young you neglected health to spend them chasing wealth and in later years you spend all wealth chasing back health.

"I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience."  ~ Author Unknown.

To those of us who are already there but young at heart and to those who will soon be there, slowly and surely, NEVER say ‘I am aged '. There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological. The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions and the third is how old you feel you are. While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age. Live this moment.

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." ~ George Burns

Forget and forgive: Don't be bothered too much about others' mistakes. We are not spiritual enough to show our other cheek when we are slapped in one. But for the sake of our own health and happiness, let us forgive and forget them. Otherwise, we will be only increasing our BP. I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. So...Work like you don't need money; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like no one's watching and probably can Hear.. Bananaz sing The Beatles greatest hit When I'm Sexty Four years later.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter". ~ Mark Twain.

Overcome the fear of death: We all know that one day we have to leave this world. Still we are afraid of death. We think that our spouse and children will be unable to withstand our loss. But the truth is no one is going to die for you; they may be depressed for some time. Time heals everything and they will carry on. Time to put your affairs in order.

"They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression." ~ Rick Majerus


   

Everything has a purpose: Take life as it comes. Accept yourself as you are and also accept others for what they are. Everybody is unique and right in his own way. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. You can't remember who posted this entry over time. Stop worrying about the three little haunting 'F' words “friction, fatigue and frustration" of having creaky bones, limited motion, poor eyesight and faint hearing or shudders with fear regarding  A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty". ~ Henry Ford

An excerpt from Wikipedia ~ "Differences are sometimes made between populations of elderly people. Divisions are sometimes made between the young old (65–74), the middle old (75–84) and the oldest old (85+). However, problematic in this is that chronological age does not correlate perfectly with functional age, i.e. two people may be of the same age, but differ in their mental and physical capacities". Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it. 薑還是老的辣 *jiāng hái shì lǎo delà*  literally means old ginger is hotter than young ginger / experience counts (idiom). Authorities in the former Soviet republic of Georgia claim a woman, Antisa Khvichava from a remote mountain village turned 130, making her the oldest person on Earth.

"Old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read."  ~ Quoted by Francis Bacon, Apothegm

EYE TEST for those over 40 ONLY...

Bananaz did see sheep...at first. Then I looked closer to see if I recognized anyone! 

 

Read more »

இ When U ЯR Sixty Four

Sorry would like to pause on the 7 Random facts about Bananaz with five down two more to go. Cannot wait to post this interesting article received in an email by a buddy friend about growing old with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). Bananaz shall kick off another 'section' about senior boomers titled 'When U ЯR Sexty Sixty Four' though a bit too early knowing all of us are pretty young and young at heart too. Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter. Birth, sickness, old age and death 生老病死 *shēng lǎo bìng sǐ * is inevitable, life is impermanent and death is certain. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional and laughing at yourself is therapeutic.

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on to the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of coke sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor
Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

Read more »